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My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.