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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.