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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.