Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I’d go to hell for.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...