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If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC