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I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
it`s friday o clock
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.