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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Give a man a fish and chances are you won`t be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!