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Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.