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Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it