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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.