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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.