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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.