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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.