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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.