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If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.