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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
That moment when being uncool, is cool