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Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.