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People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it