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Insert coin to view my status message.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.