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How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.