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The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
i hate that the sun comes up so early