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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
I dare you to spit on this status.
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day