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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.