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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.