Daily Silly Status

I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge

The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.

So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.

lol I rotfl

“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars

I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...

ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable

Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.

Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.

Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."

Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.

You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?

Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.

I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?