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I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.