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If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.