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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.