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I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?