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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.