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Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.