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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.