Daily Silly Status

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.

The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.

A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything

is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?

Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.

I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?

There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.

The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin

Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.

Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.

Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *

You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|

I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to

I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.

My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.