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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
i only drink on days that end with y
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole