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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.