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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.