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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
Worry: a waste of imagination.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.