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The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes