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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal