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I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.