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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.