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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
That`s not how I met your mother.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.