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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.