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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.