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I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.