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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Go ahead caller 9!!
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.