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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.