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Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?