Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.