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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.