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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.