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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!