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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.