Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.