Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.