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I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.