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I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.