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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...