Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!