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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!