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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.