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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.