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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.