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School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.