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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"