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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!